BDSM practices: what do they say about us?

BDSM practices: what do they say about us?

Since the madness 50 shades of Gray in which Christian Gray and Anastasia Steele engage in rather particular sexual games, sado-masochistic practices are in fashion. But what exactly do we mean by sadomasochism? Expert responses and testimonials.

Sadomasochism, what is it?

Sadomasochism defines codified and scripted sexual games between consenting adults, where pain, domination and humiliation represent sources of pleasure. The SM brings together a wide range of practices ranging from spanking to bondage, including restraint games or light burns.

Neologism born from the contraction between the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch -author among others of The Venus with the Fur-, this concept is used for the first time in the XIXth century by the Austro-Hungarian psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing who qualifies it as a “monstrous pathology”.

In the twentieth century, the British doctor and psychologist Havelock Ellis, however, noted that the sadist showed no interest in pain outside the sexual framework. Later, Freud considers sadism as the counterpart of masochism – which defines itself as the fact of finding sexual pleasure in physical or psychic pain and humiliation – while the philosopher Gilles Deleuze considers that the two do not are neither opposed nor complementary.

A physical and mental pleasure

According to psychiatrist Christine Barois, “these practices allow us to explore our animal side and also represent a form of transgression. They allow us to replay episodes of our life, to confront our vulnerability or our power, which can be a lever for sexual arousal. ” By inflicting physical suffering on himself, the masochist produces endorphins, hormones secreted in the event of excitement, pain and orgasm: “The suffering then turns into pleasure and does good.” SM can provide both bodily and mental pleasure, especially for the sadistic or dominant.

Mistress Athena has created a blog that chronicles her experiences with men whom she sexually dominates. Married to a man with whom she has a “classic” sexuality, she finds in these games a cerebral pleasure: “The SM brings me a lot of mental excitement and very strong sensations. I have no sexual relationship with my submissives. , everything is based on play and psychological stimulation. ”

For psychiatrist Nicolas Neveux, “SM remains healthy as long as individuals use it to spice up their already satisfying sexuality and not to fill a gap. It is a duel of forces, which produces excitement and pleasure. . Enjoyment then resides in control or loss of control. ”

Minou, 60 years old, submissive for more than twenty years, underlines the difference between discipline and brutality: “I like mystery and constraint, but without violence! It gives me the possibility to experience different pleasures and to get out of it. ‘banal sexuality. ”

The importance of limits

The limits can be exceeded when the pursuit of pleasure is no longer the first objective pursued. “For example, if we take the opportunity to get revenge, or if the masochist is not aware of his own limits and can attempt things that will put him in physical danger,” says Nicolas Neveux.

He underlines the importance of a “safe word”, or key word, chosen upstream by the two partners, which, once spoken by one of them, puts an end to the game instantly: “It is a guardrail, a way of setting a frame and interrupting everything if the game goes too far. ”

The right partner will be someone you can trust, “mature enough to respect the rules, stay within the framework and above all aware that the goal is mutual pleasure.”

A source of fulfillment

For some people, these practices act as a couple consolidator. Marie Séverine, 46, has launched a blog which brings together the testimonies of a group of women who dominate their husbands: “SM can help strengthen and appease both partners by reviving their sexuality and defusing arguments.”

Mistress Athena, for her part, finds there a source of fulfillment: “I discovered other pleasures that allow you to feel good about yourself while maintaining humor and lightness.”

Article of 02/27/2015 – L’Express.

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